After a constellation

We do not always get what we want, but mostly we get what we need.

Acceptance, humbleness, devotion, compassion, thankfulness and love

are the keys to understand how our souls want us to live and unfold our potential.


Since a constellation is a soul work we should allow all souls to proceed at their own pace. It is suggested not to talk about what happened during the constellation, not only your own but also these of others. Not because they are secret but in talking and trying to put in words what we and others experienced we leave the soul level and go back to the brain level which can disturb the healing process. This would not be fair especially toward the other participants of the constellation circle.

We know that also in our daily live we often ruin situations because we keep on talking trying to understand the events and the thoughts and actions of the others. And talking we fall back in our “stories” and miseries which makes it very hard and sometimes impossible for new developments to unfold.

“Talk less and try to be more aware of what’s going on” – this is a suggestion we should integrate more in our lives and this is even more important when it comes to family constellations. Let us give our souls a chance to develop and heal in the way they choose – may it be quick or take time.

You may be sure that people at home will ask you what you experienced and what has happened in the constellation. Not talking about it might be strange, suspect and frightening for them. So let them know some general facts of what you learned, but try to not go in too deep. If you are not sure, talk about it with your facilitator before you leave the constellation workshop.


Different things can happen after a constellation


  • Sometimes the family constellation ends with a wonderful and peaceful “image” and then we come home full of hope, enthusiasm and confidence just to learn that nothing has changed or things seem to be worse. Don’t panic! Trust that everything will fall into place at the right time

  • Sometimes in a family constellation it is impossible to find a “solution” and we have to simply accept the situation how it is. Yet – when we get back in our daily lives things may have changed in a positive way we never expected (maybe because we did not expect anything!)

  • Sometimes a single family constellation has an incredible and sudden healing effect on the whole family

  • In case you participated “only” as a representative nevertheless it can easily happen that the constellation has a changing and healing impact also in your daily live

  • A family constellation can be a “one time experience” but it also could be that through a first healing process new entanglements show up and you might want to have a look at them too (however it is suggested to let pass at least several months between two constellations to allow the process to gently develop in the right direction )

  • After a family constellation one might wish to continue the process being accompanied by a counsellor/coach. You can ask the facilitator if he/she can do this or he/she might suggest someone who fits your needs (in any case it is always considered that you stay in contact with the facilitator in order to be able to get support if you need it)

  • Keep well in mind the “closing image” at the end of your constellation. It is your door to a new awareness and you can always “draw it out” in moments of insecurity or falling back into old patterns of behaviour

  • When you go home after a family constellation – treat yourself well. Take a shower or a bath. You can use sea salt to wash off the energies no longer needed. Listen to some good and relaxing music.

  • After a family constellation some people are very sensitive. So be aware that you could be more touchy than normal. Avoid discussions and difficult conversations. Also a glass of wine might have a stronger effect on you.

  • And last but not least – do not expect certain things to happen and stop thinking about your constellation.