Some people see family constellations as a one time workshop that changes their life. And yes, this is something that really can happen.
But for me there is much more to it. When we truly understand what is at the bottom of the family constellation work change might happen even without a single personal constellation.
And for this we do not have to read myriads of books or get a University degree. We simply have to be ready to integrate a handful of simple principles in our live and modify our inner attitude.
Let’s have a look at these principles and open ourselves to the idea of giving them a place in our daily routine.
Belonging / Place
Is there anyone in our family who has been excluded? Anyone who is not acknowledged for what they are, because we feel ashamed of this person or are angry with them? Because we blame them for what they have done or omitted? Because remembering them would be too painful and sad or maybe raise feelings of guilt and shame?
Can we give everyone in your family a place in our heart, accepting that we cannot change their life and destiny? What about our partners, former partners, our children and especially our parents?
Are we aware of them belonging to our family system? All of them? And that excluding only one of them, the whole system suffers?
Time / Position
Are we aware of the fact that we are “smaller” than anyone who came before us in our family? Do we respect their position and are we aware of the fact that we would not be here if anyone of our forebears was missing or was different? That we owe our life to the living and the death before us? Or do we feel “bigger” than some of them, thinking we would have known or done it “better”?
And – the other way round – are we conscious that in the relationship with our children we are the “big” ones and they are the “little” ones? Do we truly take our position as adults and parents, responsible for our own life? Or do we drown in our own misery, in our needy state and with this creating situations where our children have to be the “big” ones, taking on responsibilities that are not their own?
Are we aware of all this and that disrespecting time and confusing positions can have problematic consequences for everyone involved?
Balance / Exchange
Are we conscious of the importance of balance? The balance of give and take? In our relationships – do we tend to give more than we receive or do we take more than we give? And are we aware of it? Are we giving too much so that the others would love us, see us, respect us? Or did we stop giving because withdrawing from the world around us is still the survival mode we live in? Do we still blame others for giving too much or too little?
What would we change if we knew that every imbalance in giving and receiving can have difficult consequences, for us, for our relationships, for our children and even for future generations?
Acknowledgement / Acceptance
Are we able to acknowledge that our parents are the right ones for us? That we are 50% our mother and 50% our father? And are we aware of the fact that, rejecting them or parts of them we unconsciously reject these parts in ourselves? How do we ever want to become whole and live an authentic life?
Are we fully aware that our parents – regardless of whether we consider them as “good” or “bad” – have given us the most precious gift a human being can receive, something that we will never be able to give back? Our life!
And what about our past? Do we still fight it, want it to be different? Do we still blame parents, ex-partners or other human beings for what happened? Are we still blaming ourselves for decisions we took or didn’t take, for things we did or didn’t do?
What if we understood that only by acknowledging what has been we can really let go of what is no longer needed? This does not mean that we approve of it, but that we accept it as part of our past that cannot be changed. What is still calling for acknowledgement in our life?
Are we compassionate with ourselves? Or are we lost in something between self-pity and self-blame because we still did not learn to “love ourselves”?
Did you know that the word ‘compassion’ comes from the Latin ‘compassio’ and is an ecclesiastical loan-translation of Greek ‘sympatheia’ which means “fellow feeling”? How would things change if instead of trying to love ourself we would just trying to be our own fellow, our best mate?
All of the above is what we experience in a family constellation and of course it is easier in a group of kindred spirits. Maybe this is the reason why some people love to join constellation workshops regularly, as part of an ongoing opportunity of self-development and creating positive changes in their lives.
But if you want you can do constellation work every single day on your own by just being aware of and asking you the above questions.
Wishing you a wonderful month of May and sending love and light
I cordially invite you to participate in my next family constellation workshops which will be held on Friday July 19th (evening), Saturday July 20th and Sunday July 21st in Rabat.
The own constellations are fully booked. The registration for representatives will start early June and will be published in the Facebook group FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS MALTA (if you haven’t joined yet, you can do so by following the link), on my Facebook timeline and in the June newsletter.
If you have friends and relations in South-West England or if you want to make a short-trip to Exeter, this is my UK-Program.
I am happy to answer any questions you might have in regard.
Best wishes, Ursula